Just Ask Joyce: Can We Support Our Adopted Child?

By Joyce Oglesby

Q: “We adopted a 3-year-old child six years ago. She knows that we are her protection, and she has always been quick to turn to us when she gets physically hurt. Now that she’s older and her friends emotionally hurt her, she pushes us away. We are struggling to understand this behavior. How can we get her to understand we will be there for all kinds of hurts?” 




Joyce: Adoptive parents have a special place in this world. God bless your hearts! You were most probably given the accompanying history of your child.

Many times, though not always, there are patterns of some form of abuse. Push-back is not an uncommon behavior in adopted children. The logic behind it is lack of trust when they are wounded emotionally.

Memory can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing. And, yes, it’s amazing how pain triggers a response, even from tender ages. Be patient and reassuring. Your child needs you to focus more on why she is hurting than the behavior she is exhibiting. Strive to not show frustration; instead be understanding and let her know when she’s ready to talk, you are there for her, and always will be. Love wins in the end.


Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life FIX-IT Pro, at justaskjoyce@gmail.com.